Being someone that always tries to find a reason for everything, it’s sometimes hard, especially when everything seems to be heading in the opposite direction of the way you want to be going. 

It’s almost a month ago now since my great grandma past, and some days I find myself asking why? Surely there has to be a reason that some higher power, whatever that may be, decided that it was her time to go. And maybe there was, and maybe I know the answer, but that is all a tale for another day.

I am also starting to question how I came to be seeing a guy for over two months, after possibly being THE number one activist for the single-life? After all of my rambling on about how good life is when you are a single 18-year-old girl, I find myself almost in a relationship?

As amazing as my relationship is with this boy, it is still hard to comprehend. Am I the biggest hypocrite to walk this earth?

I find myself picking fights with him 24/7 thinking that maybe he will leave, and I will be single again, and then I will have the comfort of knowing that I was promoting the life that I was actually living. But he hasn’t left, and I don’t really think I want him to, but there is still this lingering feeling that I am living a double life.

I am online preaching that the best way to live is basically boy-free, while sitting in my bed watching a movie with the guy I am seeing. I am telling you all to have a strong, empowering and close-nit relationship with your girlfriends, yet it feels like forever since I have been together with mine, or even spoken to them.

But at the end of the day, I have to keep telling myself that there is a reason why I was writing on topics like focusing on yourself and not worrying about relationships back then, and why I am in one now. There is a reason why all of my girlfriends in SMC are busy now, and we all haven’t had the time to catch up with one another as a group. I just have to wait for that reason to become apparent.

It really is scary sometimes when you are unsure why different things are happening, or why some things aren’t, but at the end of the day, you just have to let fate do its magic.